This is going to be a long week, very fucking long week. On top of all the usuals, I got a project proposal for 370 and then the GREs.

Speaking of which. I am kinda freaking out a fuck ton right now. I walk around constantly with this nasty cold lump of worry in my stomach. And it is eating away at my calm and my ability to deal with life and all the shit it throws at me. And I wish I could say that this lump will go away on Thursday, but I doubt it. The worry is more what the fuck do I do if I don't get into grad school. I am not even sure what i can do at that point. I will probably have to leave the country. At that point the only way I can get to stay is to get a job here and I am not sure who would hire me since there are so many hoops to jump through with immigration and such. Which reminds me I should probably apply for NTNU as well as all the other schools I am looking at.  The list so far is
RPI
RIT
WPI 
UNM 
Northeastern
and last but certainly not least UMass (I would really like to stay in the valley)

I got about ten minutes before I am headed off to Hampshire to meet with a professor about my research project.

First of all, my group mate for said research is really getting on my nerves. I won't say much more as most of you have heard this before.

Secondly, I really would like to learn how to do henna. But for that I need the supplies. Anybody know of good places to get decent to good quality stuff (I am currently leaning towards this http://www.mehandi.com/shop/rajastringy/index.html mainly because I like the color. They also have this http://www.mehandi.com/shop/skinindigo/ which looks cool...)

Third and almost final, I am about to start thee feather and fan lace on my shawl. Just a few more rows to go...  Pattern is this http://www.momogusknits.com/ftp.momogusknits.com/ffshawl2.jpg

Yesterday was a day of Watch Tonje Fail,  I am determined to make today better and get shit done. Long todo list, but that can not be helped... Finished Fable 2 though (only the main quest).

Many of you might remember this wonderful outfit that belonged to Lizz Lyons.


November Goddess by ~SSFFS on deviantART

I want to do something similar, I have admired and drooled over this for ages.

I have been looking for patterns for houppelandes, I found some I like. This site have some interesting ones.  The second to last one especially.  There are several theory to how they were made.

I want to make something similar rather than a proper historical reproduction.

Currently I am looking at burnt out silk velvet for it. This one in particular.


Ideas? Comments etc?

Life is hectic right now, between 4 science classes, two games (+1 that I am planning on running), game chair duties, moving in and settling down and  so on, I am pretty busy these days. I do not know if I have time for Rugby this semester or even if I want to. Which is making me kind of sad, but yeah. I have heard some not so nice things about the attitudes on the team this year and I am not sure if it is worth it at that point or if I should just make going to the gym a habit I do 3-4 times a week instead.

So far my engineering class seems alright, I seem to be doing ok in it (got the first homework back with a 94% on it) and that is mostly what I am looking for. Vision I am not sure about, it can either be fun or very dry. Math is math and the teachers are great and we have only really had one class of AI so I am not sure yet. I will get to know what project I am doing tomorrow.  My first choice was Genetic Programming Applications in Quantum Computing. I think it can be a very very interesting topic and rather up my lane as I am intrested in the future of computers and technology.

Other than that I am working on costuming still. After last nights episode of RvB I am even more psyked about the Wash Cosplay even if I can't get it together for ConBust. Also Bish asked me to make either Church, Wyoming or Maine for him. Personally I see him as Grif more than anything but eh. Any of them could be fun. I also need to finish the tech priest costume for Jason. Speaking of costumes I was thinking that either my library hours or maybe rather once a month there would be a crafting/costuming night here in D4. People who were working on costumes could come over and talk and hang out. I don't know about the rest of you, but I at least like working in the same room as others. This might overlap with Claire's planned art night.

For games I am running I am thing of either Shadowrun or Pathfinder. There are 3 options. One is to start a new Shadowrun game. I do have a few ideas here, we can either do something were it doesn't matter so much if you can come every week or I can play one of the modules I got laying around. The other option is to do a new Pathfinder game that can take many players where people don't have to  show up every week. And the last option is to continue the pathfinder story we started last semester.  There is of course the option that one of these are the official game I run on fridays (at least that was the plan, unless there is another day that fits best for people) and that one of the other games are mpre laid back, played in library hours. Of course the one played in library hours is going to get less planning from my side, but I like to think I am good at  the winging-it gming style so that should work none the less. Basically, if you read this and are planning on playing in one of my games this semester, please leave your input below or contact me on aim (LTonje).

But  even with all these things going on, there are nice things in my life too. With the more isolated living I feel that socialising is a lot more on my terms and that is something more or less completely new for me. Apart from my flat mates, it is really up to me if and when I want to hang out with people. This is a luxury I have never had. Back home it is too isolated to be able to do this, in Flekke we were 200 people practically living on top of each other and so far here at Smith I would have had to go to dinner with people. This works out nicely with the large workload. It is also nice to have a living room that is mine (or 1/4 mine) compared to Ziskind where I always felt awkward in the living room.

I only got another two days here before I go back to the states.

And begin my final year

I am so not ready for that. I just want this break to be longer. I really do. I got things I need to do.

Today the stress of thinking about going back, grad school and such became too much. Knowing that to even be allowed to stay in the same country as the woman I love I have to get into gradschool is positively terrifying. I am really worried about not getting in. The thought of letting all the people who believe in me, many of whom I met yesterday, down is really terrifying me beyond comprehension. Today I broke down for no reason and started sobbing... So I did the one thing I always have when the adult world and worries have become too much. I took a walk with the dog. The Lion and I were out for maybe an hour. We took quite a steep road up to some quite beautiful secluded spots. Walking in the woods like that always clams me. I am alone, I can listen to the sounds of the world around me. And I look at the dog, overjoyed and just living in the moment. I got so much to learn, I want to learn to live like that. Only thinking about the now and forget everything else. It doesn't matter anyway. And where ever I go and however many mistakes I might make, I can always go back to this, to this forest and this river, watching a dog play and just share the moment. And for an hour I can forget.

And when I come back, I am calm, cause I've gotten to think. To talk to myself.

breathe in, breathe out and let it go, relax and live for the moment...

I need more web comics too read. Too bad I am a real picky eater when it comes to them. This might be superficial of me but I need the art to be of a certain level and a style I like for it not to distract me too much away from the story. Yeah I am a snob. shoot me

Anyway, the ones I read and like so far
YAFGC
Paradox
Goodbye Chains
Devil's Panties
Skin Deep
Antagonist
Tales of the Traveling Gnome
Sinfest
Rooster Teeth 


If you know any good comics with decent art you think I would enjoy, please give me a link

We do this too, but rather than having the harness we just gently hold where the hind leg meets the stomach. This allows the dog more freedom to swim

The other day we were training fetching sticks in a fast flowing river and the dog adjusted her swimming so that she was swimming in a straight line.

Loads of things make me feel sexy in different ways.

A corset, high heels and fishnet stockings (or any combination of these) makes me feel proud and confident. And with confidence comes feeling sexy. A short skirt can make me feel sexy. Shaved legs makes me feel sexy, new underwear, especially bras, make me feel sexy. Sun bathing/having a tan. In general taking care of myself and my body makes me end up feeling sexy. But it is also other things, like laying in my lover's rumpled bed with sheets clinging to me, Ropes criss crossing my body. There is loads of things that make me feel sexy. And I like it that way

First of all I want to say that it is late-ish here and my brain is probably not work at it's best. Secondly, I am not a major in any sort of gov studies or have never done any formal study of it.

Now, that the disclaimer is said. I have been reading a little on the new healthcare bill that is being proposed in the US. Or rather people's reaction to it.  The main outcry as far as I can see a fear of things being forced on someone. Which I guess is a valid concern, but here is a little heads up on how it works over here. By being a Norwegian you have a base insurance. You can not opt out of this, not that I see why anyone would, but that is beside the point, it is forced on you.  This covers emergencies, dentists for children until they are 20, medicine after a certain base amount have been paid (essecially it means that people with chronic illnesses get covored), part of the bill of going to the hospital and your GP is covered. You can still do private procedures at private clinics and those are very commonly done. They are however (at least to my knowledge) generally not covered by the insurance, though this may vary depending one what you are doing.


Norway is a welfare state. The state provides for us, if we have no means of doing it on our own, yet there is nothing in the way of making more money. Infact it is encouraged. The state of Norway is paying my education so that I can get a good education and eventually a good job. This system enables my niece to still go to kindergarden even though my sister is not working.

From my observations it results in a more safe enviroment. People feel safe leaving their cars and houses unlocked. At least in the country side. Back in Flekke many of my friends commented on that they thought it was so strange that we norwegians would leave our bikes in the garden or stuff like that. It is a lot more trust based system. Of course you can cheat it, and people do, all the time, but we know that cheating the system will only burn us in the end. That is another difference I have seen. We have a 'Us, the people' feeling more than the 'Me, the person' feeling I feel is dominant in the US. We do things because it will benefit the community, not just our selves. The kindergarden in the village I live in as well as several of our playgrounds and religous buildings were built on this principle that people come together and build things for the sake of the community. This is time they could have spent on money making work or one of their hobbies, instead they chose to do it for the community. Maybe it is just where I have been, but I have not seen that to the same degree elsewhere.

Lastly. A lot of the comments I have seen about the healthcare bill is that it will take freedom away from Americans, that a person should have absolute freedom to choose what ever the fuck they want. You know what that sounds like to me? That the people saying this feel any kind of government is bad. Because as long as you have a government making rules and regualations, for the better of the larger part of the population or just for themselves (it really doesn't matter here),  you will never have comeplete freedom. You will never have the choice to do exactly what you want, choose exactly the kind of meat you want for dinner, the school you want your children to go to, where to get your surgery done, how to feel about people of a different color or creed and what you can call them. As long as you have a government you won't have the complete freedom Americans (according to the people ranting and raving) do desperatly crave.

Plan for today:
-Drink coffee and spend some quality time with the cats
-Sew(probably the dress or the skirt)
-reach lvl 43 with Addy (we're talking hand in a quest or two here)
-take a walk with the lion.

If I get the chance I need to film the lion's happy dance. I swear I have never seen anything quite so happy. She is only a little over a year after all. What I find amusing is how quickly I have become the boss, at least they react a lot faster to me than to either of my parents. I have been home alone with them for one week and have been applying some strict rules like I talked about in the last post. Also, I do little tests with them, place a piece of bread in front of them and make them sit and wait to get it until I say go ahead. I know my parents do it too but they are not consistent enough. First of all I give the go ahead every single time I give them a treat and if they take the treat without it I'll just retrieve it and start over. It makes feeding them a lot easier because you can get everything into their bowls and everything without having dogs dive into it.

Yesterday I made candy. But I am wondering if I did something wrong because 12 hours later it still hadn't set. I know what I did wrong at least and can correct it next time.

I am still having some dad issues, but they are the same as always. 1) He never makes coffee, even though it is just him and me drinking it in this house. 2) When he discovered the dogs have done something he does not it clean up. He waits for me or my mom to do it. 3) when he finally does do some house work, he wants to do it at the same time you are cooking or some equivalent of that. Have you ever cooked dinner while having to dodge a man with a vacum cleaner. 4) when he goes on a cleaning spree he gets pissed if not everyone else is on the same cleaning spree 5) when he does something, like clean, he lives on that single thing for days

Don't get me wrong, there are things I am very grateful he does, like right now he is painting the windows, which is a bit of a job because our windows are old and he is also taking the glass out to wash it properly. But point one and two are small things, like yesterday he had been out training the hunting dog to hunt (which is a hobby for him) and the other dog had bitten a newspaper to bits. I was upstairs when he came back and had not noticed. He notices, yells up to me about it, and then sits down and reads the other news paper. This is what is confusing me. It's those little things that takes a minute to do that he never does. Putting things away after we've gone food shopping, nope. Does laundery, nope. Makes coffee, nope. He'll drink it fine, but he won't make it. Heck he even refuses to fetch a cup for you when he is already going into the kitchen for something else, but he expects us to fetch him things all the time.

Maybe I am over reating, I probably am. I swear he wasn't this bad when I lived at home. Then again I knew he was. And the gods know he has gotten way way better since my first few summer home. Too bad it had to take both me and my brother treatening not to come home for vacations before he got better. It was worse for my brother than me, mainly because I had a get away, he didn't. And unlike my brother I just give up and do it, my brother fights to the end.


I know this is a very tiny thing compared to most people's parents problems. It is more an irritation thing than anything else...

Also, how much does anyone want to bet that when I go down stairs now he'll only have made coffee for himself?

Not much going on here. I am onto the hand sewing part of the corset and that is taking time compared to doing it by machine, but I simply can't do this by machine so..

Being with my parents for this long is wearing a bit on me. That and the dogs. The dogs are spoiled rotten and there are few things I dislike as much as a dog sitting in your lag begging while you are eating or trying to eat things of your plate. Or snaking it's way between your feet as you are cooking. My mom think I am too strict but I am enforcing a strict 'no dogs around me while I am cooking' rule. They can sit 5 feet away and wait if they have to beg for scraps, I will not have them between my feet. The dogs have gotten this but try to do it anyway when they think I am not looking. Then all I have to do is stomp my foot or look at them (even just a slight change in posture helps) and they'll go back to their 5 feet away spot. This have actually started to help and they have started to simply leave the kitchen when I am cooking. Which to be honest is a pure blessing.

One of these is a lie, which one?

1. I used to listen to Shakira back before she got big in Europe and all her lyrics where in Spanish.

2. I saw Snoop Dog Live when he was at the Quart Festival

3. I know how to line dance. Did it a lot back when Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex was a hit here in the country side.

Comment with which one you think is a lie

Today I finished the uniform coat, now it needs button holes and buttons. I have not gotten buttons yet because I think I should wait until I find the perfect buttons. I also need the belts, gloves and a hat.

I also made an entire dress in 4 hours. I am quite impressed by that feat myself.

( Rp talk )

In other character concepts I am also working on my back up for Deadlands. The costume is coming along, I am reading up on history and also learning how to make candy. My character is from a family of candy makers and I want to be able to bring home made candy to game. Today I made toffee which was really good. Next I got fudge and peppermint drops. I plan on continuing this learning experience during the year next year so there might be candy for everyone. Anybody got any interesting reciepes?

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so cynical.

Never forget, never again will we let them do this... That was what I thought the first I truly understood torture. I was 13 or 14 and I was standing in the basement of an old SS head quarters. I was standing in their interregation rooms, saw the tools they used. Before me stood two men, the first time they had been there they were my age, it was 60 years ago. It hadn't been a school trip for them. When asked why they came back here to talk to us kids about the way they were tortured, their reasoning was simple; so we would forget. Never again they said.

Ever since I've watched the news, read and remembered. It the one thing where I have not let myself grow up and accept it as a fact of life. When I read accounts of people being tortured I hardly sleep at night. I can't watch it in movies or films. I cry just thinking about it. Every single time I come across an Amnesty International letter campaign on torture I write. Because never again...


Until I read the accounts today of ten people Amnesty international have asked people to forward to the white house. Something just broke. No matter where you look we're turning to torture. Or just keeping up age old traditions. People say their faith in humanity has been lost when they read something stupid. But this goes beyond that. There are people out there who will torture someone given the order to do so and if they think they can get away with it. In fact most people will. It doesn't matter what color, creed or race they are. We all like to think we're better than the rest, that we wouldn't, that what we are doing is a fight for what is right. It's our petty little fights about who has the biggest piece of the play ground or whose daddy is the strongest that to us justify destroying another person. It's not killing, it's destroying. "Anyone who has been tortured remains tortured." "Anyone who has suffered torture never again will be at ease in the world...faith in humanity, already cracked by the first slap in the face, then demolished by torture, is never acquired again."'

And the worst part is that no matter how many letters we write, no matter how many people stand up and tell their tale, no matter how many polticians promise us a better world, it's not going to end. Torture, the dark side of humanity, has been with us since the beginning. And it will be there in the end.

It's times like this I am ashamed of what I am. Not white or a westerner, but human. The most fundemental part of my identity. Today I wish I wasn't. In pretty much any way that can be read.

Another amnesty international email

According to recent news reports, Attorney General Eric Holder is close to appointing a Special Prosecutor to investigate allegations of torture and abuse. This would be a welcome and crucial step towards demonstrating a commitment to human rights and the rule of law. However, it is possible that the investigation will be limited in scope. After years of evidence that torture and human rights violations were ordered and authorized from above, only lower level personnel have been held to account. We can’t let impunity for torture continue. Urge President Obama to ensure full accountability for torture and other human rights violations, as required by U.S. and international law: with a full investigation, prosecutions where warranted and remedy for victims."

I sent an email to the white house... will you?